After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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