At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
