a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i need some magic done to my vagina
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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