Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
