Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
