Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
