I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
