Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
