She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
try to milk me bitch
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