That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
