I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
