This gyro tastes like lonliness
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
