My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
