I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
