That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
