Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
