Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
