just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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