he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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