I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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