thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
