Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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