I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
