if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
