I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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