Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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