Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
