its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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