Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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