the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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