Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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