But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize