you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
