Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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