woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
