I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
