I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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