you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
