Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
