I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
