why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
