Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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