Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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