Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize