i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
