We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
