I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
