You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had sex on a roof
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
