Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
