she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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