Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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