Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
