dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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