Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
