She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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