This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
