I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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