If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize