My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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