I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
