it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
