opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
whose parrot is this?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
