I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
