I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
