Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
