he told me I talked like a deaf person
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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