Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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