I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I supernannyed him into submission
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
