that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
