your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
