Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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